i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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