he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
