I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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