New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
