I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im six kinds of drunk right now
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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