I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
