Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
