My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
