come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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