I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hippo gnu deer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
