Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
