Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
