Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
