New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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