I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
