Whod you bang
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
