Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm too high and old for this...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
