Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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