It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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