Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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