She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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