i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
