Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
