A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
