I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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