let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
