I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
