I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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