You made me cry and you don't even care
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
