he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
