I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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