We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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