YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
