It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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