What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
