Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
