Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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