yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
