So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
