You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
