my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
