There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
