there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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