Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
