at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
