Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
