Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
