so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
