I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
