His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
