Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
