I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
