I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
