i barfeds in our rink
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
