I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
