I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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