Where did you get a picture of my penis
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
