Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
